How I mark Mother’s Day now that my own Mum has passed away

As a mother to two beautiful daughters, I am grateful I get to change the focus of Mother’s Day from my Mum to my daughters, who make an effort every year to celebrate me with breakfast and presents in bed.

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I recently discovered that the origins of Mother’s Day date back to 1905. A Philadelphia woman, Anna Jarvis, campaigned to have a special day put aside for mothers, in memory of her own recently passed mother who was a women’s rights advocate. By 1914, her idea had been picked up and Mother’s Day was being celebrated throughout the country.

Anna Jarvis began publicly celebrating her mother after she lost her.

I vowed I would do the same.

When I spoke to friends who also lost their mothers, I learned they too have arrived at different ways to keep the memories of their mums alive.

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I met my dear friend Kayte at mothers’ group back in 2004, soon after we had both become mothers for the first time. Kayte recently lost her own mother, Sheila. She marked her first Mother’s Day without her mum by planting a tree in her local area on Sydney’s northern beaches. Her husband, Andy, also planted one in memory of his mum.

“I became a mother less than a year after my mother died,” Kayte says. “My daughter was born on Mother’s Day that year, at about one in the morning, and I’ve always believed that my mum had a part in that, that she was and still is watching over me.”

One of my best friends, Chelsea, lost her dear mum Bernadette seven years ago, and Mother’s Day hasn’t been the same for her since.

“Without children of my own, the day itself can feel like a bit of a void that also marks the start of what is a difficult month that also includes mum’s birthday and the anniversary of her passing,” Chelsea says.

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“I know now that I need to give myself grace to feel whatever I need to feel, whenever I need to feel it.”

And that’s it. My mum had a cheeky sense of humour. She was a brilliant cook and could run up a dress on her sewing machine overnight. She enjoyed watching Mexican soapies and adored animals.

She always had a smile on her face. Just like in that photo.

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