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โOur society is structured around couples. Things like the best-friend duo are idealised. So, weโve accepted that if you have a larger group, youโre probably not going to be as close to each member, but that doesnโt always have to be the case.โ
OโDoherty says trios can bring immense value to womenโs lives. Having two different friends, each with their own strengths and points of view, to fall back on can build resilience and a sense of connection.
โTrios allow us to feel heard, understood and validated in a range of ways,โ she says.
Psychologist and life coach Marny Lishman agrees. She says building multiple friendships helps you learn more about yourself. โEveryone is a mirror to us, so it can be helpful having people with different values around. The more, the merrier.โ
Not all female trios engage in the rampant gossip seen between the three friends in The White Lotus, Lishman adds. This kind of behaviour occurs when personal insecurity is at play.
From Mean Girls to The White Lotus, weโve been fed the notion that female friendship trios are toxic.Credit: Paramount
โPeople are less likely to gossip if they donโt feel under threat,โ she says. โIf you feel like youโre on the outer, but youโre comfortable because you know your two friends have known each other longer, or theyโve got more common interests, then youโll know thereโs no need to gossip.โ
Friends Georgia Lynch, Lamiya Bata and Leah Barrett will sometimes pair off in twos depending on each personโs interest in the planned activity.
โIndividual relationships with each other help instead of just existing as a trio. That way, we never run out of things to talk about,โ Lynch says. โAnd we can always stay connected through the group chat.โ
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This doesnโt mean female friendship triangles never face challenges. Marlee Read, a 31-year-old hospitality consultant, says she was excluded from her trio after starting university.
โI realised they werenโt replying to my messages but were commenting on each otherโs posts,โ she says. โThen, they posted a picture of the two of them in London, which is where I was living at the time, but they hadnโt invited me โฆ I realised I had become the less important person in the group, so I thought, โIโll put more effort into the friends who actually want to see me.โโ
Mahzad Hojjat, author of The Psychology of Friendship, says total balance between three friends is almost impossible to achieve. However, she says equal balance isnโt necessarily essential.
โIf there are genuine feelings of love, care and respect within a group, then members would want to maintain an environment thatโs supportive of and fair to all friends.โ
What about teen trios?
Hojjat says issues like one-upmanship, jealousy and gossip can be more apparent within female teen trios since theyโre still developing their social skills and individual identities. While these behaviours could carry into adult friendships if left unchecked, she says it can be prevented with some simple internal reflection.
โThey should ask themselves two questions: Based on their actions, do their friends want the best for them or not, and does the friendship involve more positive than negative interactions? If the answer is no to either question, they should seriously consider leaving the friendship.โ
OโDoherty agrees, adding that things like exclusion and one-upmanship can plague any friendship, regardless of the number of people involved.
โIt doesnโt matter whether itโs a trio or a duo; if someone is generally competitive or unreliable, it will place strain on the friendship.โ
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