โI drank to relieve anxiety, and then to relieve the anxiety caused by my drinking,โ says Claire, a former management consultant withholding her real name for privacy reasons.
Most days, she drank two to three bottles of wine, sometimes hiding in her walk-in wardrobe so her kids couldnโt see.
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โThereโd be days when Iโd decide to stop at one or two, but I couldnโt stop. Iโd go to dinners organised by other mums from school and Iโd have to drink before I got there โ just the idea of sharing a bottle of wine with someone else was anxiety-producing.โ
Helped by a womenโs group at Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), Claire quit drinking in her 40s.
โI didnโt want to go to AA, but in the rehab drug and alcohol program Iโd joined, I was the only one with an alcohol problem. At AA, there were all these women like me. It was a relief because a drinking problem can be so isolating โ it was the community effect that worked for me.โ
Today, Claire supports other women trying to stay sober, including those whoโve also relied on alcohol to manage anxiety.
โYou need new ways of dealing with it. I have a morning ritual that includes journaling and meditation, and I focus on gratitude,โ she says. โIโve also learned to share my issues with other women in my community. Knowing Iโm not judged helps me accept their help and learn from their experience.โ
According to Australiaโs alcohol guidelines, men and women should have no more than 10 standard drinks weekly and no more than four drinks in any one day.Credit: iStock
The midlife drinking binge
More Australian women are drinking too much at midlife and older. One in five Australian women aged 40 to 65 are binge-drinking, according to 2022 research, while the numbers of 45- to 60-year-olds having more than two standard drinks daily has grown too, says Ammit. This number is up from 8.8 per cent in 2001 to 11.7 per cent in 2019.
โMany women donโt get help because they donโt think they need it. Theyโre โgrey areaโ drinkers, meaning they drink too much but arenโt alcohol-dependent,โ says Victoria Vanstone, the Sober Awkward podcaster who started Cuppa, an online community for anyone keen to quit alcohol. Women, many of them parents, make up most of the 10,000 people whoโve joined up.
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โI didnโt think I was bad enough to need help until I got anxiety attacks after drinking,โ says Vanstone, a former binge-drinker.
โWomen also often bear the emotional weight of the family and push their own needs under the carpet.โ
Vanstone believes shame is a big part of why women continue drinking or why they relapse.
โItโs often tied to guilt about drinking through their kidsโ early years,โ she says. โI hear from women all the time who feel crushed by it and get stuck in a cycle of over-drinking. But getting sober is powerful โ itโs about reclaiming your power and thereโs no shame in that.โ
What exactly is โdrinking too muchโ?
A little hazy about the definition of drinking too much? It helps to know that both men and women should have no more than 10 standard drinks weekly and no more than four drinks in any one day to reduce the risk of alcohol-related disease, according to Australiaโs alcohol guidelines.
What to do if you need help
Find a service
Ammit suggests starting with your GP or contacting your local hospital and asking for their drug and alcohol clinic. She says some people benefit from prescription medication that helps with cravings.
There is 24-hour counselling and referral to services available from the Alcohol and Drug Information Service (ADIS) 1800 250 015 in NSW and DirectLine in Victoria 1800 888 236.
Find a friend, group or sober coach
โPairing with a friend whoโs also trying to quit, signing up for Febfast and/or joining a group helps too,โ says Ammit. โTrying to stop drinking can be a lonely business.โ
Sober coaches can also provide one-to-one support, such as personal training, says Ammit, with costs starting from around $240 per week.
When it comes to finding support in-person or online, there are many different options, all suited to different needs.
- Alcoholics Anonymous holds in-person and online meetings, including womenโs meetings.
- SMART Recovery uses cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) to help people quit thinking and other addictive behaviour, during in-person and online meetings.
Pick up a โquit litโ book
This genre of books written by women who have quit alcohol can be helpful when looking for reassurance that youโre not alone. A Thousand Wasted Sundays by Victoria Vanstone, Beyond Booze by Sarah Rusbach and The Alcohol Experiment by Annie Grace are highly recommended.
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