Secrets to healthy ageing from parents over 80

Adjust, don’t stop

Yes, Mum still plays tennis and Dad still goes out on the bay, although things look a little different than they used to. You’re more likely to find Dad on the rescue boat, these days, rather than the catamaran, which is designed to handle tipping into the water on a regular basis but requires a certain level of strength to set right. But he still loves the water, so helping out with the rescue boat keeps him connected.

Mum still loves to get on the court, albeit with less reach than she used to have, along with a group of women of a similar age. But you’re just as likely to find her on the golf course, or walking with friends on one of several routes near their home. She’s hoping to get back into swimming, which she gave up when COVID hit, at her local pool.

My parents certainly have their aches and pains and make an effort to stay on top of any medical issues but it’s not their main topic of conversation. In fact, when my mother’s shoulder gives her trouble, she seems more annoyed than anything that she will be a no-show for golf that week. Make no mistake, though, she’ll be back once she has sorted it out.

Just keep moving, no trophies required

Just for the record, my mother has been named ladies’ player of the year at her local golf club in the past but she has always emphasised that, for the most part, she was not “the best” at anything. Is she being too modest? In my view, yes, but there’s something in the idea of just turning up, week after week, regardless of whether you’re over or under par, just for the love of it.

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They’ve never been into extreme activities – you won’t find any triathletes in my family – just mildly rigorous but regular activity, sustained over decades.

Competitive personalities might struggle with the notion of ceding their achievements to the next generation but there’s a lot to be said for perseverance and focusing on improving your skills.

Keep making friends

My late grandmother once told me that one of the worst things about getting old was that all her friends were dead. Indeed, there’s nothing that can replace the people closest to you, and going to funerals now seems to be a regular event for my parents.

At the same time, both of them have stayed open to meeting new people, whether they are neighbours, locals at the cafe or fellow parishioners at their church. Most of these relationships are not particularly high-stakes but that’s not the point. The mental health benefits of staying connected and feeling useful in your community speak for themselves.

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My parents are also willing to risk the possibility that their attempts at friendship will be rejected. In a digital age, just offering a friendly “hello” has become something of a lost art. But nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Eat well, simply

My parents, like most people their age, are on a fixed income, so they eat simply, and mostly at home. Meat and three veg (or salad) is the order of the day most of the time, in smaller portions. We’ve also never been a family of big drinkers, although they enjoy a beer or a glass of wine or two if they’re dining out.

Age is just a number

When we hosted my mother’s last significant birthday, my sister and I ensured there was no reference to her years at the party because we knew she would prefer it that way. Sure, most of us don’t want (or need) to be reminded of our age, but in Mum’s case I think it’s more about putting age to one side and living the life in front of you.

I’m taking notes.

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