In recent years, there has been a well-intentioned but ultimately misguided trend towards overprotection. Parents, anxious to spare their children pain, intervene at the first sign of trouble β calling teachers to dispute grades, negotiating with coaches for more playing time, or simply removing obstacles altogether. This concierge parenting can go too far, undermining the authority and boundaries that young people need to thrive.
The result? A generation less equipped to handle lifeβs inevitable disappointments. When children are not allowed to fail, they do not learn that failure is survivable. When every setback is cushioned, they miss the chance to develop the grit and tenacity that adulthood demands.
So, what advice can this heritage-listed child and adolescent psychologist give parents when their offspring has to face disappointment?
First, resist the urge to immediately fix the problem. Step back and allow your child time to process their feelings and find the words to express them.
Next, help them assess the situation objectively. A reality check gets them to evaluate whether it is really as bad as it seems.
Importantly, donβt let disappointment fester into resentment or anxiety. Encourage constructive reflection rather than rumination.
Finally, do talk about it when they are ready, as encouraging expression can help young people process disappointment in a healthy way. Young people work much better as processing plants for emotions than sterile containers.
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Simple techniques, such as deep breathing, can help manage the physiological response to disappointment, keeping young people in βthinking modeβ rather than βreaction modeβ.
Adulthood is not a series of uninterrupted triumphs. It is, more often, a journey marked by challenges, setbacks, and the need for adaptation. By allowing our children to experience and learn from disappointment, we are not being cruel β we are preparing them for reality. We are teaching them that randomness and chaos happen in the universe, that life can be tough, that things can go wrong, and that what matters most is how we respond.
As parents and caregivers, our role is not to eliminate disappointment but to walk alongside our young people as they navigate it. We must model resilience, encourage positive thinking, and provide the support they need to emerge stronger from each setback.
James Sicily will have other kicks, and Hawthorn will rise again, just as our children will face new challenges and setbacks. If we can teach them to greet disappointment not with fear or avoidance but with courage and curiosity, we will have given them a gift far greater than any fleeting victory.
Michael Carr-Gregg is an adolescent psychologist and the author of 14 books on mental health.
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