How to navigate difficult conversations and avoid stress this holiday season

“You can just say ‘OK, this has gotten out of hand, we are here today to be together … So let’s take some time out’.”

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She also says introducing an activity can help, like suggesting dessert, a walk or a game of backyard cricket.

Another simple option is to remove yourself or break up the group by asking someone to help you with a task.

By being straightforward in this approach, Doyle says you are not dismissing the conversation but just recognising that around the Christmas table might not be the appropriate time.

‘Be clear, be kind’

Before the gathering, mentally prepare yourself and set yourself some boundaries. Consider the attendees and the topics they might likely discuss. Doyle says it can be worthwhile to ask yourself if you intend to engage in those conversations.

“Most people by now know their family and what conversations are likely to come up.

“First, ask yourself what today is about. Why are we coming together? Is this the occasion to get into it?

“So if you want to stop the conversation, it’s about being clear. There’s a saying, ‘be clear to be kind’, so you could say, ‘you know, I don’t want to have this conversation right now. Maybe we could talk about what the kids are doing in school,’” says Doyle.

‘You’ve got two ears and one mouth’

Sometimes a conversation touches a ‘hot trigger button’ topic, and you feel like you have to speak up. Can you do so in a healthy way? Yes, says Doyle, but you should be conscious of when the conversation has taken a turn to a not-so-healthy place.

“I guess it’s as much as choosing the right time and place. Is Christmas, in front of the aunts and uncles and the little kids, the right place to get into something that is fever pitch in the media now?”

A constructive discussion also relies on a foundation of respect; people have different opinions that you may not share.

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“You’ve got two ears and one mouth. It’s about being able to listen to another person’s perspective and acknowledge it and then being able to share yours.

“Use language that talks to your view and perspective, such as ‘I feel’ and ‘in my experience’, rather than blaming. Whatever you can do soften the us versus them polarity,” says Doyle.

“If this is an old family or friendship, and it’s an old wound that’s being opened, recognise that it’s not going to be resolved around the holiday table, depending on the topic, it might be wise to seek professional relationship support.”

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