Materialists film starring Pedro Pascal, Dakota Johnson delves into love triangles

Sometimes, Colantoni says, people meet the “right” person at the “wrong” time, or perhaps outgrow a relationship and are drawn to something new.

“Sometimes it’s simply a case of unresolved attraction or unmet emotional needs leading us elsewhere. The tension between security and desire, or familiarity and novelty, is a tale as old as time.”

Lecturer and sexologist in the School of Social and Political Sciences at the University of Sydney, Mandy Henningham says a love triangle itself usually involves an ultimatum or choice.

While monogamy is the dominant approach to romantic relationships today, Henningham says this is a social construct. Marrying for love rather than alliances, resources or politics only came about in the 18th and 19th centuries.

“So, sexual attraction to other people while in a relationship is a very normal and natural thing to experience. It’s the behaviours, boundaries and lack of communication of people in relationships that can lead to love triangles,” she says.

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Types of love triangles

There are various types of love triangles, says Amanda Denes, a Hunt-Simes visiting junior chair of sexuality studies at the University of Sydney’s Social Sciences and Humanities Advanced Research Centre.

Some can present as romantic rivalries or competition, where two people vie for the attention of one person.

“This may happen when two people are already in a committed monogamous relationship and a third party comes into their lives, or it can occur when there’s no existing commitment, and two people are competing for the attention of the third person,” Denes says.

Alternatively, infidelity may be involved. Denes says these types of love triangles could be purely sexual, based on an emotional connection, or both.

“There are also love triangles that are more aligned with ethnical non-monogamy, where all three people in the relationship are aware of and consent to being part of the triangle,” she says.

The final, and often less considered, type of love triangle doesn’t involve a third person. Instead, it involves a job or new hobby.

“Often we see this reflected in film where a character will feel they have to choose between their relationship or following their heart to pursue a passion or career elsewhere. Love triangles manifest in all sorts of ways,” Henningham says.

How to “choose”

Regardless of what role you play in a love triangle, it’s imperative to be honest with yourself and those around you. Colantoni suggests considering who best aligns with your long-term vision and values.

“Who will help you grow into the person you want to become? Don’t get swept up in the fantasy. Focus on the reality of each relationship. It’s also worth asking what’s driving the dynamic. Is it true love, or is it a need for attention, excitement or escape? Understanding your motivation is key,” she says.

“If the connection is driven by how much they desire you or how they make you feel seen – rather than by shared values and emotional safety – it might be more about filling a gap than building a future. Ask yourself: is this chemistry or compatibility? Attraction or alignment?”

No matter the answers, relationship expert Samantha Jayne recommends making a decision as soon as possible.

“If you drag it on, people might get hurt, and you could end up scarring the relationship or, even worse, missing out on both options.”

For those hoping to be “chosen”, Jayne says it’s important to be realistic about possible outcomes. Your love interest may not be willing to leave their partner, or if they do, the trust between you may already be diminished.

“If you’re on the receiving end of unrequited love, it’s bad for your self-esteem, worth and confidence. You’re doing yourself serious damage. Go and find someone else that reciprocates and makes you feel special,” she says.

Sydneysider Nadia Sarii fell for the same person as her best friend while at school. Her friend and crush eventually began dating, unaware of Sarii’s feelings.

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“It was slightly awkward moving forward as we all remained friends and I didn’t speak about liking him,” the 28-year-old says.

The friendship eventually deteriorated, but it taught Sarii to always “speak her truth”. “If you like someone and your friend says they do too, it’s important to speak up … Otherwise, you’ll be the one suffering, acting as a third wheel.”

Is it all bad?

Given the prevalence of monogamy, Henningham says being caught in a love triangle often triggers feelings of guilt and shame.

“[It can] box people into feeling like they’re a bad person simply for having human desire. It’s important to remember that having desire or experiencing attraction is morally neutral, and that having attraction does not make anyone inherently good or bad.”

Love triangles could even occasionally have a positive effect on existing relationships. The emotional risk it poses could remind you of why you’re with your current partner in the first place.

“Perhaps encountering a love triangle is the first step to some bigger conversations in the established relationship about attraction and needs, or that monogamy may no longer serve them as an individual or couple, leading to discussions about engaging in ethically non-monogamous practices.”

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