When Sussan Ley revealed last week sheβd been a victim of coercive control, my first response was βpoor bloody womanβ. Then βthank God she got awayβ. And then? A moment of reflection on where Ley is now: the leader of a political party which diminishes the experience of women every single day.
In the week since, her revelation has been the hot topic in group chats and real-world conversations among women of all age groups across Australia, as we were torn between wanting to know more of her story, but not demanding trauma porn. Also, how can you have survived coercive control, yet work within a party which continues to deny the existence of women as equal human beings?
How does a woman whoβs been a victim of family violence survive β and thrive β in a party with a history of neglecting the domestic violence sector? How is that humanly possible? The tension of that contradiction would kill me.
Opposition Leader Sussan Ley during an interview in the Nine studio at Parliament House.Credit: Alex Ellinghausen
This is what the opposition leader said at the National Press Club last week: βI want the women of Australia to hear me when I say to them as a national leader: I understand the fear you feel when you go for a walk alone. Because I have felt that fear too.β
And then: βI understand the pain that comes with coercion and control. Because I have felt that pain too. I understand what it is like when you blame yourself for the actions of others. Because I have blamed myself too.β
She resisted follow-up questions. βLook, I have had personal experiences, and I donβt choose to share them publicly, but I want the women of Australia to know that I know, and that Iβm with them, and that I understand how it feels and what itβs like, and how sometimes, only looking back, can you really understand what went on.β
So what exactly is coercive control? I asked Monash Universityβs Kate Fitz-Gibbon, a walking textbook on family violence in this country. She said it describes a pattern of abusive behaviours in intimate partner relationships that can include physical and/or sexual violence, but also a range of different coercive and controlling tactics such as financial abuse, stalking, technology-facilitated violence, intimidation.
And hereβs the key to the harms of coercive control, says Fitz-Gibbon: βIt can eat away at a personβs sense of worth, their confidence, their understanding of who they are.β
I love that Sussan Ley escaped that in her personal life. But now she has to manage it professionally within a party that doesnβt prioritise the issue. Angus Taylor was a no-show at his own leaderβs National Press Club speech. (His office says this was due to family health reasons and that he explained this to Ley.)
