The dating filter behind an online gender war

Dr Michael Flood, a professor specialising in masculinity at the Queensland University of Technology, says that shorter men “experience considerable stigma and shame in relation to their height,” and that studies show “genuine penalties to their professional lives, their working lives and their dating lives”.

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“The long and short of it is that being tall is prized in stereotypical masculine norms,” says Flood. “Taller men are perceived as more masculine, more competent, more successful.”

The professor says a number of studies show height affects men’s involvement in society, including a study which showed teachers perceived shorter male students as less capable than taller ones, and another that found taller men are “more likely to become corporate leaders” because of an assumed competence associated with their height.

Flood says that the stigma associated with height is part of a “growing pressure on boys and men” to meet traditional masculine stereotypes, with other factors like muscularity forming a “rigid bodily ideal” that affects male self-esteem and dating habits.

“It may be frustrating to be instantly discarded on the basis of height. However, being instantly discarded is a pretty routine process on dating sites, and I would say in general, the bodily standards applied to women are much stricter and harsher than the bodily standards applied to men. Think of ‘dad bods’. That’s a positive term for a slightly overweight, middle-aged man. There’s no female equivalent.”

The 2022 ABS National Health Survey found the average height for adult men was 174.8 centimetres, or 5′9. For women, it was 161.5 centimetres, or 5′4.

Analysis of the 2017-2018 National Health Survey found that 62.4 per cent of Australians incorrectly reported their height, with men over-reporting their height by 2.2 centimetres on average, while women over-reported by 1.6 centimetres. Similar analysis was not performed in 2022 as all height data was self-recorded due to COVID concerns.

Sex and relationship expert Georgia Grace agrees that while men are subject to rigid and sometimes “uncomfortable” standards, they pale in comparison to those applied to women.

“Speaking with a lot of straight women, being discriminated against because of their body, because of their weight, or their height, or the colour of their hair, or the size of their boobs, that’s not new to them. Men are held to certain aesthetic and beauty standards, but by no means are they interrogated [equally to] women.”

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In her role as a counsellor, Grace says that many of her male clients do not feel comfortable talking about body image issues.

“Everyone is familiar with the vulnerabilities that come with dating. We feel like a mirror is held up to the things that we’re most insecure about. When you’re really wanting to find someone, to connect with them, to find someone who you’re also attracted to, it can feel so challenging and so hard and so vulnerable.

“A lot of people do feel insecure about the way they look, or they do feel vulnerable, or they do feel like there are these impossible standards and these sorts of new hoops that they’re having to jump through, but I think it’s really important for people to remember that that’s a universal experience.”

Grace believes the “patriarchal systems” men are socialised in force them to conform to certain bodily standards, but bar them from discussing their struggles with expressing masculinity.

“So a lot of men are feeling down about themselves, but also isolated and unable to speak to other men about this vulnerability.”

A spokesperson for Tinder says the height filter was employed as “part of a broader effort to help people connect more intentionally,” while describing the filter as a test that may not become a permanent feature of the app. A similar feature is available on other dating apps like Hinge and Bumble.

Salvaggio says that he does not use filters beyond the standard age and location filters. He says this was not to cast a wide net, but rather because he believes “there is more to someone than all of their data”.

“When you add too many filters, you cut off the opportunity to meet someone great just because they don’t match every single box that you have in your head.”

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